How to Pick Up Girls on Instagram (aka how to make real life IG friends)

Featured, Personal

February 23, 2019

Instagram is an amazing place to connect with people, and I’ve made wonderful, genuine friends through the app.

I’ve noticed trends and patterns with the people who I interact with on Instagram. There are those who I want to get to know better, and those who I do not. I debated whether to even write this blog, but after I casually mentioned it to a few friends and they immediately wanted to hear about it, I decided I needed to write it.

So here it is: my personal step by step process or how to pick up girls on Instagram.

While this post is titled “How to Pick up Girls on Instagram”, this post is really for anyone who wants to make friends through Instagram. Whether it’s a brand that you admire, an industry peer, or someone you genuinely want to get to know better, you can use these steps. These steps are from my personal experience with the app, and have not been tested otherwise. While this process does not just apply to guys trying to pick up girls through Instagram, for the remainder of this post, I am going to put you, the reader in the position of a guy, and then I’m going to use the pronoun “she” to represent the person you are wishing to befriend.  I’m going to give you the task of replacing those pronouns with ones that make sense for you.

Sound good? Ok let’s go.

The goal of this entire process is the employ the Know Like Trust factor with the person that you would like to befriend. First she must know who you are. Then she must like you. And finally, she must trust you enough to take the relationship beyond the app and into real life.

So let’s get started.

All 3 of us met on Instagram, and then did a creative photoshoot together for fun. 

Part 1: KNOW

The first part of the process is to get her to know who you are. The KNOW phase has 3 steps:


Step 1: Follow her

To get her to know who you are, you must start by following her. Following does 2 thing:

When you follow her, she will get a notification that you did so. She might click on your profile to see who you are. If you’re lucky, she might even follow you back.

Second, her content will now show up in your feed, which makes it easier to interact with her content, which brings us to step 2…

Note: Make sure your account is set to public! If she gets a random follow request and can’t see who you are, the likelihood of her following you back is much lower. You should also make sure your account represents a true version of yourself that you would be proud for her to see. 


Sep 2: Start by liking her photos. Get to know who she is by what she posts. 

You have to engage with her content if you want her to ever know who you are. Liking is likely not enough to get you even noticed, but it’s a start. Read her posts, and learn about who she is by what she chooses to share. Pay attention if there is a certain thing that she talks about a lot.


Step 3: Engage with her content. Start commenting on her photos every couple days with thoughtful comments that relate to the post, and the information that you have learned in step 2. 

Now that you have a sense of who she is, start really engaging with her content. Comment on her photos, but be strategic. Don’t comment on every photo, and it’s important that the comments are relevant and genuine. I cannot stress this enough. The comments should relate to the photo, and to what you know about her. For example, do you notice that she seems to share a lot of photos of her cat? Next time she posts a photo of her cat, write a thoughtful comment about how great you think her cat is. If you notice that she uses Instagram as a business tool (ex, photographer), ask a question about her work, or comment about what you think she is doing well. Don’t lie, but comment as if you were talking to a real person, because you are.

Watch closely to see if and how she is replying to your comments. Is she engaging with you in return? Watch to see if see if she follows you back, or genuinely starts engaging with your content. If she consistently and genuinely engages with your content, that means she knows who you are, and it is time to move on to phase 2!

Notes: The more followers she has, the longer it will take to get her to notice you, even if you are commenting regularly. Do not give up though! Consistency is key. Consistent, meaningful comments will stand out, and she will eventually notice you.

It’s also important that you start with commenting rather than DMs. If you go straight to DMs, she may not even see the message if it goes into the request folder. You don’t want to be that guy sliding into her DMs with a random message when she has no idea who you are.

I met all of these lovely people at an InstaMeet. 

Phase 2: LIKE

Now that she knows who you are, you need to ensure that she likes you.

Deeper engagement: reply to her story every few days 

Continue liking and commenting on her photos as in phase 2, but it’s time for deeper engagement. Watch her stories and reply to them every few days, much like commenting. The benefit of replying to stories is that the reply will take you to her DMs, where you can have longer, private conversations.

Start by sending simple, relevant replies to her stories. Ask her questions, send a few words, or send emoji responses. Then continue short, easy conversations about the story.

Example: She posts a video of her cat playing with a string. You could reply with “Wow! Your cat is so playful! How old is your cat?” 

After replying to a couple stories, you can also send her a DM not in response to her story. Just make sure this DM has a purpose! Ask her a question about something that she is interested in. Send her a photo or post that made you think of her.

If she seems willing to talk to you, and typically answers conversationally when you send her a message, it probably means she likes you. Now, this does not mean that she LIKES you romantically. It just means that she probably likes you for an Instagram friend. If she likes you, it’s time to move to phase 3: TRUST

If she often doesn’t answer you, or doesn’t seem to want to continue conversations, continue with the KNOW and LIKE phase.


Phase 3: TRUST

Once you feel confident that she knows you, likes you, and trusts you, it is time to take the relationship off Instagram and into real life. What’s the best way to do this?

If she is answering you regularly in DMs, move short conversations into longer conversations. Move away from talking about stories and Instagram, and start talking about real life. Keep asking her questions, but try to steer the conversation into real life topics. If she consistently keeps the conversation going, and asks you question in return, it is likely that she trusts you.

At this point, I recommend asking for her phone number so that you can communicate more easily. Try asking in the middle of a good conversation. Something like “hey, do you mind sharing your number so that we can keep this conversation going more easily?”

If she says yes, congrats! You have officially made it to the end of the process. the future is in your hands now.

If she says no, you can continue with your efforts, but it may be best to move on and accept that while you can be Instagram friends, you may not ever move the relationship into real life, and that is ok!

There are billions of users on Instagram, which means billions of opportunities to make acquaintances, create solely digital friendships, and cultivate genuine relationships that will continue way beyond the app.

Here are 2 photos of me with my friend Flora! We met at an InstaMeet, and have been friends ever since.



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Hi there! I'm Abby. 
I'm a traveling photographer, writer, and artist and I'm most passionate about using visual communication connecting people with the outdoors.


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